Fullmetal Snow White and other short stories
by Kansas Kusuri
Summary: 5 drabbles, ficlets and theories: Fullmetal Snow White, a bit of EnvyWinry fluff, and some other small things. Forgive the spacing issues, this site won't let me make paragraphs work.


**These are also on my dA account, but I uploaded them onto so more people would see them. So, I certainly hope you like these.**

**Very light spoilers, language and yaoi, so be careful.**

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Fullmetal Snow White

Fullmetal Alchemist…and the seven 'dwarfs.' who don't do anything but be taller then Ed.   
NOTE: Slightly Edited, after Osakan Pokemon inspiration

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a "magical" kingdom called Amestris, and the East section of it was ruled by an evil bitch named Dante, whom all the subjects hated with a fiery passion. Also in this kingdom, there lived a beautiful princess and his name was Edward.   
Dante prided herself on being the most beautiful person in the land. Every day she looked into her magical mirror, whom she called Pride, and asked "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" And every day, the mirror, who was something of a suck-up, answered "You, my Queen." or something like that. But one day, the mirror answered "The Princess Edward, my Queen, is now much better looking then you."  
Dante screamed hysterically over this for a while. "But how could that kid look better then me! Damn it!" she decided that she would just have to kill the incredibly hot princess.

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Dante really needed Ed to die, but she didn't feel like fighting him herself, being a lazy bitch. So she found the homunculus Greed, and, after bribing him with a few thousand dollars, told him to go out and kill the princess. "But, if it's a guy, why is he a princess?" "Just go!" And so he did, finding the boy in a forest,. He raised an eyebrow at the kid, who was cursing out the happy magical talking fluffy Disney animals who lived in the forest for calling him short.  
"Hey, princess, I have to kill you, ok?" "--and you &ing birdie, you think you're so damn smart---oh, what? Hey, why?" He turned around, glaring up at Greed. "Is it because of that old hag?" "Yup." "But--- but why?" "She gave me money." Edward glared. "That's no reason to kill me!" "Sure it is. I want everything, after all. It's good to start with money. But if you give me stuff.." "So, I'll bribe you." "Of course. What do you have?" "Um…here, I have a few dollars…" "Nope." "And this shiny, pretty state alchemist pocket watch.." "Nope." "But it's SHINY!" "That's not enough, midget."  
Suddenly, Ed realized that Scar was standing nearby, methodically exploding the happy magical talking fluffy Disney animals from the inside out. "You can have that guy!" Greed paused to think about that. "Do I also get the watch?" Scar looked up, irritated. "Hey, what?" "Of course, here you go!" "Hey!" "Now don't try to kill me anymore." "Yeah, no problem. But Dante will be looking for you…hey, I know, you can stay at my subordinates place. Scar, let's go!" "……." Half an hour later, they had come upon a tacky looking Disney-esque cottage, randomly placed in the forest. "Wait...what are these people like?" Ed asked suspiciously. "They aren't weirdos like you, right?" Greed shook his head. "No, no. They're all…um…dwarfs. Yes, that's right! All under 150 cm!" The Princess proceeded to scream in pure happiness. "Seriously!" "Hey.." Scar complained. "I'm still here….and he's lying." "….Shut up, you moron." "--eh?" The door opened slowly, revealing a dog chimera named Roa who was most certainly over 6 feet tall. Edward froze for a second, before kicking Greed in the stomach. "You suck."

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The rest of the seven 'dwarfs', Ed learned, were Seig Curtis (over 6 feet), Russell Trigham (over 6 feet), Major Alex Louis Armstrong (way over 6 feet), Alphonse Elric (over 6 feet), Gluttony (who wasn't tall but pretty damn wide), and Archer (who, with a mechanica1 body, was over 6 feet tall.)  
"Damn you to hell Greed." "Heh heh heh. Well, are you staying?" Scar glared. "Can I go yet?" "No."   
"Going back on topic, I'll have to stay…." the chibi princess sighed. It would be better to spend a week with tall people then to be killed by the bitch Queen, anyway. Maybe.

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Dante soon learned what Greed had done and so decided to send out Manga!Wrath to kill the Princess. Wrath decided to wait till all the 'dwarfs' as Ed still insisted on calling them, were out working somewhere. Edward looked outside the window…"Fuhrer? What are you doing here?" "Came to kill you." "….EH WTF WHY! TRAITOR!" "No, you naïve fool I'm a homunculus." "Seriously? That's not cool!" Unfortunately, the princess was completely taken off-guard, and with nobody else around, that was a problem. However, for the sake of convenience, Scar was still outside where Greed left him. "State Alchemist! I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!" "...!" Scar pulled out a small red-and-white ball from his coat pocket. "Go, Promotion-Hungry Military Scum! Level 92!" "Ahh?" Instantly, a crowd of Scum formed around the Fuhrer, screaming 'Pro-mo-tion!--tion!--tion!" "AUGH! MY SANITY!" "Thank you, Scar." "Can I go now?" "No." "….damn."

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Yay, her stupid plan failed again! However, being a persistent bitch, she decided to send over the Princess's teacher, Izumi Curtis. This was somewhat more terrifying then Wrath could ever be. However, as Edward lay broken and bleeding on the floor, Izumi spotted her beloved husband, Seig, and instantly forgot about her victim/student. "Seig, why the hell are you here?" "…..I have no idea." "Okay, well, let's go home!" she smiled sweetly, and they left, leaving Ed in a near-coma.

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About this time, the prince of the kingdom of Central, Roy Mustang, needed a new princess. "Um…what about this kid?" suggested the second lieutenant Havoc. Mustang looked at the sheet, which was all about the Princess Edward. "A male princess? That's really funny." "Yes, yes it is." "But he's cute. Ok, then I'll go hire (kidnap) him so he can be my princess." He vanished, leaving a slightly confused Havoc. "You don't hire your princess, sir!…I don't think he cares."

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"What if she tries to kill me again?" whined the princess, laying outside and completely unaware that yes, Dante was doing that at that very moment. She had taken an apple and poisoned it, then dipped it in milk just so it would really kill Ed, then had sent out her servant Roze, a friend of Ed's, to give it to him. "Hello, Edward!" "Eh, Roze? Hi…" "Here, do you want an apple?" "You randomly appeared to give that to me? Thanks, that's sweet…I guess." He took it then brilliantly started eating. However, he had barely swallowed the fist bite before…"HOLY CRAP THIS TASTES LIKE COW JUICE! AUGHH! choke choke I'M GONNA DIE!" And he proceeded to fall over in a coma. Roze had by now randomly vanished again, wondering why the poison hadn't worked.   
The dwarfs came home to find Edward laying out on the ground. "Hey, Scar, what happened?" "..I was asleep." "With your sunglasses on?" "Yes." "Weirdo." "But what about Nii-san?" "Umm…I guess we can stick him on a bed or something." "Ok." Which is what the oh so caring six dwarfs did.

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A few weeks later, the prince showed up. "Hey...is the Princess Edward Elric here? Ha ha…princess…" Yes he was still laughing about that. "Yeah, but he's kind of dead." "WHAT? I came all the way out here to marry (hire) (kidnap) him and he's DEAD! That's complete crap! Get out of my way, Archer!" "Ow!" Mustang stormed into the bedroom, where Al was sitting next to his brother. "Wh-what? Who are you?" "Why is he asleep? How can I wake him up?" "Well…he's seemingly choked on milk. But usually in fairytales, everything works out if someone kisses somebody." Roy smirked. How perfect. But..."Why didn't any of you kiss him? "Yeah right, can you really see Gluttony kissing anyone?" "Ew, that's disgusting! Well, fortunately, I am very hot, so this is quite excusable." That said, he leaned over and kissed the princess very hotly.  
(Break for people to picture this in whatever way they see the cutest )

As Mustang pulled away, Edward's eyes went very wide as he awoke, a dark blush spreading over his face. "Wh-who…" "I did. Princess, now will you come with me ?" Edward was silent. "Good! Alright, let's go. You've got paperwork, ha ha ha!" "Ehh..! I never said I'd do anything! You're pulling my arm, hey, wait!"

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Oh yeah, Dante the bitch! Prince Roy (and his Princess Edward) was transferred to the east after gaining another promotion. Dante learned that two people better looking then herself were coming, and was very crazy. Roze took the oppertunity (sp?) to see if Dante would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. She did.

And there was much rejoicing.

THE END. Yes that's a lazy conclusion right there.

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Fullmetalmon: Xing Series!

Announcer: On the last episode of Fullmetalmon, #11,651, our heroes Edward, Alphonse, and Winry were continuing their journey, after a 25-episode mini-tournament with the one-time champion King Bradley. We now join our heroes on their journey to the Grand Pokemon Tournament in Xing!

"Ed? I forget, where are we going now?" asked Winry, huggling her togepi close. "To Xing! There's a tournament, and all you need is six state alchemist's silver badges to compete! I can't wait to beat Ling, I hear he's an amazing trainer." "I don't know." mused their companion, a giant suit of armor. "I don't think he sounds very trustworthy. He could be an evil trainer, secretly, like Bradley was!" Ed and Winry just laughed. "Yeah right, Ling would never join Team Homunculi!" "Maybe…oh no! Ed! It's your rival!"

It was indeed the trainer's rival, Roy Mustang! "You beat me last time, Fullmetal, but now I can not be defeated! Are you ready!" he asked, looking intimidating in his military uniform. Ed grinned. "Of course!" "Very well then! Go, Charizard!" "Latias, I choose you!" Roy was stunned. Ed had a legendary Pokemon? No fair! The Pokemon battle was over quickly, but Roy still lost with grace. "Next time, I'll..."

The other two had noticed something weird in the meantime. "Oh no.." Alphonse muttered, looking around him. Somehow, all their Pokeballs had vanished! Winry gasped. "This must be the work of…" The large helium balloon rising behind the trainers confirmed the three's suspicions.

"Prepare for trouble! And make it double!"  
"Oh no!" cried Ed and his friends.  
"To protect the world from devastation!" chanted the smaller one, who wore a white miniskirt, boots, and a white top emblazoned with a large, red "H"  
"To unite all people within our nation." his companion continued. He wore white pants and a similar shirt. "To fight the evils of truth and  
love." "To extend our reach to the stars above."

Mustang cringed, either because he was afraid he'd never get his beloved Charizard back, or because the rhyme was too painfully overused. "Who are those two?"

"Envy!" finished the girly one (he was posing) "Greed!" (he posed as well) Blast off at the speed of light, surrender now or prepare to fight!" "MEOWTH that's right!"

"Team Homunculi!" gasped Winry. "Give us back our Pokemon!" cried Edward. Envy merely laughed, holding a stolen pokeball in his gloved hand. "No way! We'll give these over to the Gate, and then we'll get mutated, evil Pokemon to fight with!" "Hey! That was our secret, evil plan, Envy!" Greed whined. "You can't just tell people, stupid." "Who's stupid!" Meowth sighed, ignoring his bickering companions as he set the balloon off.

"You're not getting away with this!" yelled Ed, chasing the balloon with Al and Winry right behind him. Roy, however, was too busy staring at the mysterious person who had appeared beside him. "Who are you?" Ed turned around, and gasped. "It's the man from the last tournament! He almost won, but Bradley defeated him in the final round!" The stranger nodded.

"You can call me Scar. But I am only here to wreck God's judgment on those trainers who would be so low as to steal another's Pokemon." Team Homunculi (who hadn't gotten far) heard this and laughed, but Scar took a Pokeball out of his coat pocket anyway. "I choose you! Philosopher's Pikachu!" A Pikachu, covered in mysterious tattoos came out. The tattoos on the Pikachu matched those on Scar's wrist, Ed noticed. "Now! Destructive thunderbolt attack!" "PIKA-CHUUUU!" The Pikachu's marks were glowing red, same as it's eyes and Scar's arm.

"This power!" gasped Winry.  
"It's like a legendary pokemon!" came from Roy. The thunderbolt hit the helium balloon dead-on. "AAAH! TEAM HOMUNCULI'S BLASTING OFF AGAIIN!" The stolen Pokeballs fell back to the ground, and were quickly recovered by their trainers. "Thanks! We owe you!" Al started, but, the man Scar was gone. "Huh. I wonder if he'll be in the Xing tournament?" Roy laughed. "Well, I will. And I'll beat you thins time ,you'll see!" He left as well, leaving the three alone again.  
>To be continued on the next episode 

Announcer: But what of the man with the scar? And will Team Homunculi ever do anything besides let Envy wear decent clothing? And Ling, at the Xing tournament? All the answers and more, on Fullmetalmon episode #11,653!

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An EnvyxWinry (or was that WinryxEnvy?) bit of fluff.

Envy and Winry have been 'together' for a while now, ever since they had accidently met on an empty train to Rizenbul.

It wasn't expected, but in fact, they get along surprisingly well, possibly because they share the same sorts of mood swings and spastic urges to hurl heavy metal objects at offensive people.

True, Envy doesn't know why she tolerates his frequent shape-shifting, and Winry often thinks that Envy has better things to do then hang around an automail shop, scaring her dog, but these are small issues, easily glossed over. Really, they only have one problem, it is with intimacy.

"Envy? Why won't you ever kiss me, hmm?"

"Shut up! I've never actually been with a girl before, so it's hard to kiss one!"

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Drabble #1: Dante's sordid past.

Dante must have had parents, yes? A family that loved her? Yes. She did. She was born to completely normal parents, Bob and Karen, who loved her dearly. However, Dante accidently ate some lead and was poisoned -- not enough to die, just enough to become sick in the head. Her parents tried very hard to supress this slight mental sickness, but when the 16-year-old Dante started dating the 29-year-old Hohenheim, she went from eccentic to insane. Bob and Karen saw this, and prevented her from seeing Hohenheim. But she was so despretely in love, she had to see Hohenheim, and she murdered her own parents with a butcher's knife. After this, she became the evil, psychotic bitch she is now. XD So now you know.

Theory #2: Greed Pimp, as proven by science.

Greed's power has everything to do with the element carbon. Carbon is the most versatile element and can bond to four different atoms at once, more then any other element.  
Greed, using carbon, can chemically bond with anything, or anyone.  
The hypothesis is thus: If Greed can bond everyone to him, then he is a pimp.

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**I certainly hope you liked these, and didn't find them dull or unfunny/relevent. Bye! (And everyone loves reviews, right? Comments or crits are greatly appreciated ) **


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